As Paul concludes his great discourse on the Pure Love of Christ (“Charity” / “agape”) I am drawn to these last two verses.
“For now we see through a glass, darkly;
but then face to face:
now I know in part;
but then shall I know
even as also I am known.
“And now abideth faith, hope, Love, these three;
but the greatest of these is Love.”
(1 Cor 13:12-13)
We often interpret these verses as discussing how we only see in part in this life: that we see *through* a glass, darkly: as if this is a window into “truth”, as if it is obscured with our mortality. Yet why is Paul suggesting something about “knowledge-seeking” (epistemology) in a discourse about love?
I believe that in context, Paul is inviting us to something much deeper. He is inviting us to *reflect* in Love, and discover the face of God within our inner selves and others.
Consider this: the language Paul uses for the words “through a glass darkly” are “δι᾽ ἐσόπτρου ἐν αἰνίγματι”/”di esoptron en ainigmati”, literally “by way of an enigmatic mirror”. “Ainigma”, the word we translate as “dark”, gives root to our english word “enigma” — that which is obscure, mysterious, puzzling, difficult to understand. It does not mean “dirty” or “cloudy”, but rather, something deep, as if within us.
The Dark Mirror of the Soul.
We often speak in our faith journey of the “Dark Night of the Soul” as being the difficulty of our journey in this life. Yet when St. John of the Cross spoke of this dark night, the night in which he found the Love of his Savior, he speaks of the immense joy of this journey through the darkness of the soul.
Thomas Merton wrote, “The inner self is simply a stepping stone to an awareness of God. We are in the image of God, and our inner self is a kind of mirror in which God not only sees Himself, but reveals Himself to the ‘mirror’ in which He is reflected. Thus, through the dark, transparent mystery of our own inner being we can, as it were, see God ‘through a glass.’ All this is of course pure metaphor. It is a way of saying that our being somehow communicates directly with the Being of God, Who is ‘in us.’ If we enter into ourselves, find our true self, and then pass ‘beyond’ the inner ‘I,’ we sail forth into the immense darkness in which we confront the ‘I AM’ of the Almighty.”
(Thomas Merton, The Inner Experience: Notes on Contemplation)
When I was on my LDS mission, I became very ambitious to seek roles where others would confirm to me that I was worthy. I felt that if I was advancing through the various leadership positions: senior companion, district leader, zone leader, etc., it was because God had accepted me and this was revealed to my leaders. I needed that confirmation, because when I looked into the mirror at myself, I was insecure — I didn’t like what I saw.
Then, amidst my arrogance of being at the peak of my leadership callings as the presiding senior zone leader over the north of Chile, a new mission president decided that I needed a bit of humbling. It probably didn’t help me that my companion was sending horror stories about me in his weekly reports. Yet, in a moment, I was asked to pack my belongings within hours, and get on a 27 hour bus journey were I would be a “co-senior” companion with a relatively new missionary.
I spent the next 27 hours on that bus ride reflecting on what had just happened. I began by stewing in my mind: I was rejected of God through my mission president. I was unworthy of being acceptable to the Lord. Or that was my starting position in this very long contemplation. Then, anger set in: the injustice of the system, the betrayal of my missionary companion who never once gave me feedback but obviously was reporting my misdeeds — whatever they were — to the mission president. Thoughts raced through my mind.
Yet in this angst, in this very literal dark night of my soul in a journey of a thousand miles, I started looking into a very dark mirror. I had never noticed this mirror before. Deep wtihin me, there was something that beckoned me, inviting me to peer into this very dark place.
And I beheld someone in the mirror. I saw not a super-missionary, nor did I see any betrayal. I did not see a defective unworthy jerk I suspected I really was. Instead, I saw a child: unsteady, insecure, crying in fear and loneliness. Yet as I peered into the eyes of this child, I beheld something *more*: a knowing, loving gaze, that behind the shell of this child’s fears and insecurity, was a Being who deeply loved…me.
I entered that bus an arrogant, insecure jerk. I left that bus, twenty-seven hours later, a child with no ambition, no intent on making baptisms and proving my worth. I simply wanted to get to know that child I had seen ‘in the glass, darkly” — in my “dark mirror”.
My new companion greeted me: Emiliano Leiva Toro, someone who would become in those ensuing moments my dear friend “milo”. The next few months, my last before coming home, were the most precious moments I had ever experienced. We had no baptisms whatsoever. We simply made friends with ourselves, with each other, and with the people we met.
And when I arose in the morning, I developed a practice for myself at the time. I looked into the mirror and I beheld that same child growing up and being happy to be me — no longer the arrogant ego-self, but the divine self — the self that found peace in being completely real with all around me. And as I beheld, as I looked into my eyes, I saw Someone looking through my eyes back at me from the Mirror, with a love that washed over me and completely accepted me as infinitely worthy and infinitely lovable.
Why does Paul speak of a Dark Mirror amidst a discourse on Love?
He says,
“Love Never Fails
(or as the KJV and Relief Society motto says:
‘Charity Never faileth’)
but whether there be prophecies,
they shall fail; whether there be tongues,
they shall cease;
whether there be knowledge,
it shall vanish away.
For we know in part,
and we prophesy in part.
But when that which is perfect is come,
then that which is in part shall be done away.”
(1 Cor 13:8-10)
And there’s that word again: “perfect”. “Teleios”. The same word that Jesus used to describe God’s unconditional, complete love for all. It’s the same word that Jesus used on the Cross — his last word in mortality: “It is FINISHED”. Complete. Whole. Perfect. Greater love hath no man than this, to give one’s life for one’s friends. The Cross. The moment of connection between all that is life and death, heaven and earth, god and human. All this moment, this very precious contemplation *reflects* itself in the cross — the completion of God’s Love.
The Contemplative Mirror.
So we reflect in these moments. We seek an inner vision, not to become separated and isolated from all others, but rather, to connect in Love.
Lao Tzu reflected:
In nourishing your soul and embracing the One,
Can you do so without separation?
In concentrating Qi to achieve softness,
Can you be the infant child?
In washing and cleansing your Dark Mirror,
Can you do so without failing?
In loving the people and repairing the world,
Can you act through natural action?
In opening and closing Heaven’s Gate,
Can you act the part of the female?
In expanding your vision to the four directions,
Can you be without prejudgment?
Give life to others, nourish others,
Give life, but do not possess.
Act, but don’t attach
Cultivate, but do not harm.
This is called, “Dark Virtue”.
(Lao Tzu Tao Te Ching Chapter 10)
To embrace our own Dark Mirror is to contemplate and reflect. We sit in Sacrament meetings and contemplate two things: our own self worthiness, and the redeeming grace of the Savior. Yet this process — this partaking of the sacrament of communion is more than “repenting” and “thinking of the Savior”.
To contemplate is to seek inner vision, first by clarifying the Dark Mirror within. The noise of our supposed unworthiness — the fears and cares of the world — can obscure our ability to see clearly. In our contemplation, we become mindful, not of our guilt and shame, but rather, we see ourselves as we truly are, here, now, and emptying our mind of shame and guilt — the cares of the world. This is what Lao Tzu speaks of “washing and cleansing our Dark Mirror”.
Then, as we become liberated in our minds and hearts, we behold the Face of God in our mirror. Paul’s words above, “For now we see through a glass darkly, but then face to face”. As we clear our inner vision, as we contemplate the very essence of who we are and let go of our ego, the image in our mirror becomes the Image of God, the very image in which we were created. We encounter our divine self in reflection, in contemplation.
But this process is not just inside us. Indeed, as we clarify our own Dark Mirror, we are able to encounter God reflected not only in ourselves, but in others as well. This is what Paul means when he says, Face to Face, or to Know as we are Known. This is why Paul speaks of a dark mirror as the summary of his greatest sermon on Love. We can only love others when we have embraced the loving god who reflects himself or herself in our own countenance — our face, as reflected in our own Dark Mirror.
Paul said, “But we all,
with open face beholding
as in a Mirror the glory of the Lord,
are changed into the same image
from glory to glory,
even as by the Spirit of the Lord.
Now the Lord is that Spirit:
and where the Spirit of the Lord is,
there is liberty.
(2 Cor 3:18,17)
As we walk in this Journey, in our Dark Night of our Souls, may we find in our contemplative practice the ability not only to cleanse and wash our Dark Mirror to behold the Face of God within us, but as well, to see that same reflection in others as we behold them in our deepest love.
And when we do, something amazing happens.
We see as we are seen
We know as we are known
And we Love as we are loved.
And we are One.